An Open Letter to my Sixteen Year Old Self

I turned twenty six yesterday. It was birthday, and this time of the year always tends to rock my boat. Because it is a celebrated landmark, it inevitably draws attention to where you were this time last year, what you had hoped for and how far you have come. Inevitably I end up being underwhelmed by my progress and wallow in existential crises as long as anyone will let me. In the run up to the anniversary of my birth this year the usual anxieties surfaced, however yesterday I suddenly realised that I was 26! I had lived 10 years after my 16th birthday. This seemed such a milestone. Sixteen was a landmark year for me. It is when I started to realise who I was, forge my identity, become an adult. Looking back I was so remarkably like myself already, and yet there was an innocence that I dearly miss, and a self doubt that I do not. I think everyone has a few things that they would love to share with their younger selves, a few lessons you wish you hadn't had to learn the hard way. And so...

Dear Young Hayley

Some advice...

Playing dumb is not attractive. You have a brain. You have (strong) opinions. You love books, you look things up, you like using big words, you are interested in politics...These are all things that you will learn to be proud of, and will define who you are. Stop thinking anyone knowing that you are a clever girl will lead them to assume you are dull. Don't let people assume you are a bit of a giggly airhead, because you will waste much valuable time having silly conversations with silly people. Your brain is one of your most attractive qualities - use it, and show it!

Give people a break. You are arrogant and you think you can imagine every conceivable situation and how you would react...you have no idea. You cannot know a person until you have walked two moons in their moccasins. Judging people will get you nowhere, and sometimes you will wish you had asked more questions, because you will find yourself in the same situation.

Your parents are people too. They have all the same problems and hang ups and difficulties as you, so stop expecting them to be above human weakness. Mum is the best friend you will ever have, stop throwing tantrums and give her a break.

Teenagers are a hideous, mutant subspecies - try not to behave like one.

Don't drink that bottle of Malibu at 17 - it will put you off for life, and make cocktail choices very limited.

You are going to have more fun than you can imagine. Your life is not going to be boring, and everything happens after High School. But don't believe the bullshit Hollywood is selling - life isn't like that, and God you'd probably hate it if it was.

Stop blindly following fashion. You don't look like those girls, and who wants to look like everyone else anyway.

Some of the prettiest adolescents are unremarkable as adults, and you grow into your face, so don't worry too much on that account.

You will always miss dad, but you are so like him that he is still here.

This is not the worst day of your life, neither is tomorrow or the next day, or the one after that. Tough times are coming, so save the drama. You are strong and you can deal with it.

Stop fighting with your hair, stop brushing it, and please god, don't cut it again.

Tortured artists are overrated, and you are too high maintenance for their own self absorption. Move on, its never going to happen.

You have to learn to let go of things. Realise that things change, people change, you will change. Everything is not forever. Sometimes people are in your life for a short time, and that's okay. Don't flog a dead horse - you need to realise when its time to move on. By attaching yourself too firmly to people and places you will stagnate. Not every decision is life altering. Start going with the flow now - I need the practice. You will lose some people along the way, but never the things that you shared with them. Let them go.

You'll be fine, you'll see.

Love Old(er) Hayley

** I have finally figured out how to sort out the commenting feature on this blasted blog, and so you no longer need to be logged on or whatever to comment...give it a try, and let me know if its working!